I started comedy a while ago. A long time ago. I was married. It was different. I’m a comic in New York now, I’m single, and I
am having a hard time. Well, wait a day
and ask me, and I will say it’s great. A
lot of my perspective hinges on where I got on last, how much money I made this
month and if my new stuff worked somewhere.
But generally, and in particular, this week, things are shitty.
I’m not a new comic, but upon moving to New
York I became new again in a way,
having been unfamiliar with most of what goes on in the New York comedy scene. It’s par for the course when moving to
another city.
But when I ponder my situation a little
deeper, what’s frustrating for me is my gender.
There comes a time when you realize, people don’t take you seriously if
you are female. People used to say “oh
you do comedy that must be so hard.” At
the time I thought they were morons for saying so. I used to think doing comedy was great. You go to a club and work out ideas that
you’ve been banging around i.e. funny thoughts, jaunts and stabs at people that
irritate you. It’s an activity that
makes all the messed up stuff in your life have a shred of meaning and you make
people feel better, including yourself. It’s
symbiotic and so creative. But in time,
I began to see what those annoying people meant. Audiences are reluctant to like female
comics. And then there’s everybody else.
When I first moved to New York a comic at
Dangerfield’s said to me, “men in the Middle East have it right…women should be
covered from head to toe in a berka and kept quiet.” The same week another comedian gave me a spot
at one of the clubs. He was actually
nice to me and happy to help me out, but the next night when I didn’t text him back
right away, he texted, “Are you drunk or just a retard?” Another time, in an effort to help me
assimilate in New York, a friend of mine connected me with an established
comic. Long story short, the comic asked
me to three-way with him and his girlfriend.
The problem starts when you actually want to
make some kind of career out of it. If
you’re just doing your “sketches” at little dives here and there, it isn’t affecting
anything. You’re not challenging the
status quo. But when you have something
to say, and when you want to be compensated for your work, now you are creating
a wake. In some cases, bookers don’t
respect comics of the female gender, therefore, pay them less. It is sort of known that back in the day, a
now famous female comic was paid a lot less than all of the male headliners in
Boston. No wonder she left.
In New York, it’s competitive. Male comics will use their yang prowess to
try and intimidate people they deem as inferior, I guess in an effort to stroke
their own ego. Either that or they’ll
hit on you. They’ll insult you. At Times Square Arts Center, one of the
comics said to me “I would never put two female comics on in a row…” He really should just be embarrassed. They also underestimate your intelligence. I don’t give a fuck what skinny, loser comics
who are high have to say. They are going
for the easiest target which makes me question their intelligence and just screams insecurity. They are trying to make me feel bad. Look frightened little boy, it’s obvious you
are steeped in self-hatred and exhaustion from having to suppress so many secret
homosexual urges, that your shame only elicits intense insecurity, I’m here to
tell ya, the rest of society takes care of my feeling bad about myself. Women experience this constantly with sexist,
objectifying images in advertising, in conversations and inappropriate glances. Do you think your stupid comment is upsetting? You’re just a buffoon, who’s clearly
threatened by the possibility that a female comic will steal your shitty $25
dollar spot at a dump in the theatre district. At the time I didn't respond.
When frustrated with standup, I used to say “I
should have been a dancer,” probably because society values women by their
looks. They really want us to just shut
up and look good. We are socialized to
believe that women are second class citizens.
Female comics have to work hard despite this. I think some women are confused about where
their gender fits into performing. They
dress up too much. They dress
provocatively. A lot of skin showing. They look like a friggen peacock. I like George Carlin. He dressed in all black. Like an artist should. If you are a singer or a stripper, then by
all means, wear the dress. I just don’t
see the connection with comedy. You see
minimalist theatre and they are in all black.
They’re not stuffed in a dress, in heels with their arms showing. Everybody acts like I’m wrong because I want
to be valued for my intelligence and talent and everything but my looks. If I felt I
was good looking, I wouldn’t be doing standup in the first place and female
comics who use their looks are not into the craft
and probably want to be an actress.
This is a bigger issue than I thought. Because a baby comes out of our person, we
are somehow deemed as less than? When
you see a guy comic two years in, who automatically receives more credibility
from the audience than your 14 years, it’s disheartening to say the least. side
note: I did read Gloria Steinem books when I was seventeen, followed by Camile
Paglia, among others. I blocked it
out for a period of time. I think for a
while I chose to look the other way, for fear that I would be miserable if I
was always thinking about this. However,
now that I do standup, and I’m a lot older, there is absolutely no escaping the
staunch reality of sexism and inequality.
It only magnifies with time.
People have gone out of their way after a show
to say “we don’t usually like female
comics, but we really liked you.” A booker of a big club in Boston said to me
while we were backstage about a comic who was on stage, “she’s not that funny
but she’s nice to look at.”
Another time in Boston a booker told me right
to my face that “all these paid comics are hacky…” He was only referring to some of the funniest
comedians ever on the planet. He also
mentioned my then husband. Why would you say that to someone’s
wife? Was I supposed to be impressed by
a guy who never paid comics upstairs from a Chinese restaurant? Maybe people just think that my entire gender
is dumb.
[The word cunt
doesn’t offend me at all.
Most of the time when
I use it, I’m referring to a man]
-Tweet from me: @stacykendro
Often society’s message is we’re just arm
candy. How quaint. A large part of being female (and this is
deep in the psyche of most women) is the need to ingratiate yourself to people. That’s the hard part – being so dam
agreeable. We are socialized to make
others feel comfortable, which means if you are a jerk to me, I will smile. Sometimes, that is the thing for someone with
manners to do. However, don’t mistake my
politeness for passivity. Now I’m
talking about New York. In an effort to
take the high road, or to make you believe you didn’t really get to me, I might
not retaliate right away. But just know
that I’m Albanian. I will be planning
your demise. Well, at least I will go
home and write about you, but take heed because if you catch me on a bad day,
who knows. Even though “vendetta” is an
Italian word, just ask people in the Bronx and they’ll tell you which
nationality is scarier.
originally published 12/10/17
